Are We Born This Way, Or Broken Into It? Labels, Trauma & Destiny Unpacked

❤️ Note to Listeners

Before we dive in, we want to pause. Colm’s beautiful wife Anne — married 35 years — has sadly passed away. We are all devastated for Colm, Holly, Alex, and Anne’s wider family. It is with heavy hearts that we proceed with releasing this show. We felt it was important to keep going, to give us all something to focus our energy and attention on. We send Colm all our love and support, and we hope to have him back with Justin on the sofa next week. Justin, Rebecca, Terry & Beatrice. x

🎙️ Episode Insights

With Beatrice stepping back in as co-host, this week’s Not So Christian Brothers digs deep into one big question: are we destined by nature, or shaped by nurture?

The conversation takes unexpected turns:

• Labels that stick: how being called “the sporty one” or “the dumb one” as a child can shape (and limit) your life.
• Childhood trauma: Justin recalls being told he was a “mistake,” his dyslexia struggles, and surgery without anesthesia as a baby — and how those experiences drove him toward success but also left scars.
• Addiction vs. workaholism: why some childhood wounds lead to drugs, while others fuel socially “acceptable” addictions like overwork.
• Projection & perception: are we trapped in the roles our families assign us, or do we put ourselves in the boxes we resent?
• Expectations & disappointment: why managing what we expect from others — birthdays, love, recognition — can free us from resentment.
• Predestination vs. choice: are our lives set in stone, or do trauma, resilience, and self-belief allow us to rewrite the script?

This is an episode full of raw honesty, hard questions, and surprising hope.

⏱️ Chapters

00:00 – Sending Love to Colm

Opening with support for Colm and his family after Anne’s passing.

01:12 – Can We Change Our Destiny?

Introducing this week’s big question: nature, nurture, or choice?

05:16 – Growing Up as “The Mistake”

Justin shares how being labelled and living with dyslexia shaped his drive.

07:38 – Labels That Stick

How childhood labels — “the sporty one,” “the dumb one” — box us in.

10:02 – When Trauma Rewrites a Life

Beatrice recalls losing her father at four, and how it changed her path.

12:21 – Surgery Without Anesthesia

Justin connects his early trauma to workaholism, contrasted with a friend’s addiction.

14:38 – Labels and Identity

Rebecca on how being “the fun one” shaped (and limited) her identity.

16:13 – Family Narratives and Projection

Why families often keep us in the roles we had as children.

19:12 – What Others Think Is None of Your Business

Justin on resilience and letting go of outside opinions.

22:16 – Expectations and Disappointment

Why birthdays, love, and recognition often disappoint us — and how to change that.

24:42 – Hurt People, Hurt People

Why negative comments usually say more about the speaker than the target.

27:22 – Managing Expectations in Relationships

Beatrice explains how lowering expectations creates more peace at home.

28:48 – Are Our Lives Predestined?

Closing reflections: do we arrive where we’re meant to be, or are we constantly rewriting our story?

31:02 – Like, Subscribe & Follow

Closing thanks, with a nod to the Aftershow and Colm’s return.

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